Throughout my more than forty years as a psychologist, I have been consistently inspired by the remarkable resilience inherent in the human spirit. Even in their darkest moments, individuals discover their inner strength and carve a path toward a brighter future.
Below are three narratives that exemplify this extraordinary human trait.
Brianna
Brianna was not expected to survive. The aftermath of a car crash left her with a severed aortic valve, a collapsed lung, four broken ribs, and multiple crushed vertebrae. What began with three surgical procedures and two months of hospitalization marked just the start of her recovery journey. At only 19, she found herself relearning how to walk.
The rehabilitation process was fraught with pain and fatigue, often accompanied by feelings of humiliation. After years of independence, she faced the need for help with tasks as basic as tying her shoes. No one celebrated her return to basic functions with cupcakes this time.
In moments of despair, Brianna reflected on self-pitying thoughts she kept to herself: “Why did I survive while he (the other driver) was fortunate enough to die? If it was his fault, why was I the one suffering?” There were days when she contemplated giving up entirely, drafting a speech for her family to thank them for their support while asserting that her life was not worth such agony and embarrassment. She felt defeated, reasoning that anyone in her position would feel the same. Moreover, although doctors mentioned she might require a walker, she was determined to reject any suggestion of a wheelchair.
Frank
Frank received the discouraging advice that he was ideally suited for vocational training due to his supposed lack of intelligence for a four-year college. His high school guidance counselor told him, “Resources for college are limited. Why not save them for someone better suited? You’ll always have work as a laborer, Frank, so don’t expect to be behind a desk.”
The impact of this remark lingered in Frank’s mind for many years.
Michael
Michael struggled with anxiety, which led his primary care doctor to prescribe Xanax to help him cope. He was allocated up to three 1-milligram tablets daily — a supply of 90 pills each month. However, unbeknownst to his doctor, Michael would consume all 90 pills within the first two days, triggering episodes of euphoria that ended in alcohol binges, theft, and the use of opioids and crack cocaine.
While Michael shared details of his chaotic lifestyle with me, confidentiality prevented me from disclosing this to his doctor. I encouraged him to seek rehabilitation numerous times, often praying for his well-being between our sessions.
Resilience
Psychologists recognize resilience—the ability to recover from life’s adversities—as essential for navigating a successful journey through the ups and downs of life. While resilience does not exempt anyone from experiencing hardships like trauma, loss, or addiction, it empowers individuals to endure and, in many cases, thrive rather than succumb to despair.
Moreover, research indicates that resilience can be identified and quantified, encapsulated in what we now refer to as the “seven C’s of resilience.” These elements are:
- Competence
- Courage
- Character
- Coping
- Connection
- Control
- Contribution
While a detailed examination of these elements is beyond the scope of this brief piece, the key takeaway is that resilience can indeed be cultivated. It is crucial to impart these skills to our children. Given that they will inevitably face life’s challenges, providing them with the tools to navigate these difficulties and persist is vital. In the familiar phrase from an old commercial, we should encourage them to “take a licking and keep on ticking.”
Here are updates about the three individuals previously mentioned:
Brianna
Motivated by an occupational therapist, Brianna has successfully graduated from college and now works as a waitress in a bustling restaurant, all while pursuing a master’s degree in occupational therapy. Her aim is to support others facing their own challenges: “No one gives up the fight to recover when I’m on their team — not if I can help it!” she states passionately.
Frank
Defying the limited expectations of his guidance counselor, Frank ambitiously pursued higher education. He has earned three college degrees, including a master’s in architecture, and has taught for over two decades at the university level. His passion has become mentoring students who may lack confidence, becoming the supportive figure he wished he had during his own academic journey.
Michael
As for Michael, he entered rehab, turned his back on dangerous substances, and learned to manage his anxiety effectively. Now a plumber, he exemplifies hard work and integrity, often being seen with a smile on his face. He feels thankful to have swapped his destructive habits for a fulfilling career in plumbing.
Even though Michael lost his home due to hurricane Ian, he views it as a minor setback. His resilience helps him see it not as a calamitous event but rather as a manageable hurdle. He is grateful for the support of his parents, with whom he can stay temporarily during the rebuilding of his home, enjoying the luxury of home-cooked meals and laundry services at no cost.
Author Bio
Dr. Christopher Cortman has provided more than 80,000 hours of psychotherapy over his distinguished career spanning more than four decades. A licensed psychologist in Florida since 1985, he maintains a flourishing private practice specializing in emotional trauma and anxiety disorders. He frequently appears on talk radio and television shows nationwide.
Author of four acclaimed books, his latest work, The Guided Imagery Cure: The Best Proven Methods for Quickly Resolving and Healing Trauma, introduces an impactful technique for addressing trauma and grief. To learn more, visit srqshrink.com.